I didn't go to church again this week. Though I've tried to use my weekend time pretty positively by giving myself a much needed break from my day-to-day hustle, I still find that not taking the time to worship at church is leaving a gaping hole in my life. Imagine following a weekly routine for years and then cutting it out of your life abruptly. If you can picture that, then you've got my life figured out.
Essentially, I'm facing cold turkey with the church; small "C".
In my defense (if I can even do such a thing at this point), I've tried to keep my mind spiritually connected to God and to the world around me. Even when I consistently miss the mark (who hasn't?), I still try to maintain my daily walk with God by keeping myself immersed in the Word and by building, maintaining, and strengthening relationships with others; both critical things when it comes to our connectivity with God.
Interestingly, I haven't experienced things like that at the church for a long time. In truth, I don't think I've experienced that at my old church...well...ever. My old church was filled to the brim with cliques, the pastor's "favorites" (of whom, I admit I was a part), and members who do everything they can not only to keep up with the Joneses, but to become the Joneses. "Worship" service is limited to how well the choir sings, how much money is raised, how many new additions we can make to the infrastructure, and praising one another on individual acheivements. As far as I can tell, 'worship' was never really apart of the equation.
For example, last week was one of my church's 'annual days'. For those of you not familiar with the Black Baptist Church (from this point, I'll refer to it as the BBC. Don't confuse it with this BBC.), annual days are those days where the emphasis is shifted to one group or auxillary of the church; ostensibly to 'lead' the worship. Women's Day (where the women are in charge), Men's Day (where the men are in charge), Youth Day (where the young people are in charge), Law Day (where the city/county's law enforcement is in charge), the Pastor and wife's anniversary, and the Church Anniversary are but a few of those days. (*Note: I can take the same argument I'm making about these 'annual days' and apply them to any church week.*) One of the trends I've noticed in my extended tenure with the church is that these efforts had very little (if anything) to do with truly worshipping God and more to do with what we; as the church; get out of these events. The time, energy, and resources devoted to these things does absolutely nothing to fight poverty in the world (hell, not even for the surround community), to combat social injustice, to aid the sick and needy, or to mend those who have been broken. Instead, we commit to these things -- these rehearsed, planned, and scripted things -- to make the few hours we spend at church "successful". When its all over, the choirs gets praised for sounding good, the Joneses get praised for giving X amount of money. The pastors (holy pimps. I'll get to that some other time) get praised for their 'work'. But at the end of the day, our efforts have done very little to truly advance God's kingdom. That, to me, is the worst kind of worship. But sadly, it's the most prevalent kind also. the I suppose, then, that's the overwhelming reason why I don't plan on going back.
Now, I'll admit: my thoughts are only the product of attending and visiting BBC's in the surrounding area. I certainly can't make a generalization about BBC's all over the country. But I can speak to ones I've visited around where I live. I don't really care about what a church in Some Town, California is doing if I'm currently residing in Grand Blanc, Michigan. When I say "I don't care", that's not to say that I'm dismissing the kingdom building work in which they may very well be engaged. I'm simply pointing out that it doesn't do much to cultivate me if I'm living across the country. I think I'm getting off point a bit. Let me get back...
My ultimate point is: the stuff that we call "worship" is nothing more than crowd-pleasing, pre-packaged, self-centeredness that we do out of obligation and not from the heart. Very seldomly does God truly get the praise and the worship; likely because our heart is not fixed on Him when we do the things we do.
I hate myself right now for posting this, largely because I feel like I'm judging people, being hypocritical, and trying to play the role of a clairvoyant by stating how authentic or fake I think people's worship is. But at the end of day, I can still look at the broken, deteriorating conditions of the 'the least of these' all around us (both physically and socially) and say -- with absolution -- that worship is the LAST thing we're doing.
...especially if we worship God by how we respond to our fellow man.
- ACL