Monday, July 23, 2007

Good friend, bad friend

OK. I've got a little problem and I'm curious on your take.


First, let me introduce the cast of characters. Of course, you've got me; the young, dashing, handsome and intrepid hero. Next, there's a friend of mine. Let's call her...uh...Leia. Leia and I have had our ups and downs over the years. We've been pretty close throughout; but recent differences in ideology have caused us to go our separate ways. Though we're not by any means enemies, I've concluded that the best way to handle our relationship is by distance and disassociation on just about every level.

Now, there's one final player in this story. We'll call her...uh...Skeeter. I know Skeeter through Leia. In fact, it's only because of Leia that I have any relationship with Skeeter. Though Skeeter and I aren't really that close, she's been coming to me lately; seeking my help on a few things. Now, it's never been in my nature to just turn people down outright. And it's been no exception with her. Even though I've been pretty busy lately, I wouldn't hesitate to stop and provide her with my assistance and expertise as needed. After all, I've always believed that one of the best ways to show thanks to God for His blessings is to bless someone else.

Now that the players have been introduced, let me get to the root of the problem: Skeeter and Leia are very close. And any association I have with Skeeter (in this case, providing her assistance and support) opens doors of association (albeit indirectly) with Leia that I'd rather keep closed.

Don't get me wrong: dealing with Skeeter doesn't place me in ackward spots where I have to be around Leia. But the reality is: my relationship with Skeeter was first formed through Leia. Now that my relationship with Leia is all but over, I want to employ disassociation with all things Leia; including Skeeter. How do I do so without hurting Skeeter's feelings or -- more importantly -- without suggesting that I'm trying to punish her for a riff between Leia and me; over which she had no control?

In a perfect world scenario, Skeeter would realize that her association with me sets the stage for a major conflict. But in her innocence (and perhaps, her being a little credulous) won't allow her to see that. I'm all for being direct to get rid of someone you consider incessant. But at the same time, I've got a little conscience growing in a jar somewhere too. What's a brotha to do?

-ACL

22 "Insiders" spoke their mind. Join in...:

GA girl said...

This one is pretty simple. You need to just be honest and direct. Besides, if you and "Skeeter" are not that close, why should it matter to you how she feels?

That question sounded meaner than it was intended. I'm just pointing out the fact that you're pretty sensitive about someone with whom you don't seem to have much of a relationship.

But whether they're a friend or not, honesty is always the best policy.

JJM said...

"Of course, you've got me; the young, dashing, handsome and intrepid hero."

Uhhhh.

Anyway, you know how I feel already so I won't bother to respond. The only question is: what are you gonna do about it? Receiving advice is one thing. Implementing it is another.

Natasha said...

LOL! This post was VERY entertaining. I haven't stopped laughing since I read it.

But when you get serious (hard to do at this point), you have to ask yourself how much you value people's feelings. More importantly, you have to ask yourself how your "assistance and support" will be affected by your "conflicts". If you're bothered by this; which is obvious from your tone, I find it hard to believe that you can give "Skeeter" your best. It's a waste of your time and an insult to her.

If you don't want to do it, don't do it. That simple.

Diane J. said...

Yep, I'm with ga girl. You did a pretty good job of explaining it to us, now why can't you explain it this way to Skeeter? After all, if Skeeter narcs to Leia what you said about her, you don't care about Leia's opinion of you anyway, correct? Just be honest and direct.

Unless Skeeter is 10 years old or intellectually challenged she'll get the message if you lay it all out for her.

And you forgot debonair in your self-description. ;D

GreenEyes, keep your opinions and your dirt-scratchers to yourself, y'hear me? LOL! ;D

Love and hugs,

Diane

Andre said...

@ Ga: "if you and "Skeeter" are not that close, why should it matter to you how she feels?"

I dunno. The whole "having a conscience" thing, I guess.

But I get the gist of your point. It's just that I don't have the nerve to be an ass here, which is what if feels like.

@ JJM: "'Of course, you've got me; the young, dashing, handsome and intrepid hero.'

Uhhhh.
"

Hater.

"Receiving advice is one thing. Implementing it is another."

Fine. You're right...

@ Natasha: "LOL! This post was VERY entertaining. I haven't stopped laughing since I read it."

Glad to see that somebody's found humor in my dilemma. Sheesh.

"More importantly, you have to ask yourself how your "assistance and support" will be affected by your "conflicts". If you're bothered by this; which is obvious from your tone, I find it hard to believe that you can give "Skeeter" your best."

I don't think my trepidation impacts how well I can do my thing. I can still offer pretty good assistance that is uncompromised by my precarious situation. That's one thing I'm good at.

I just want this to be over and done with; without me being an ass about it.

Andre said...

@ Di: "Unless Skeeter is 10 years old or intellectually challenged she'll get the message if you lay it all out for her."

That's the problem. She'll get the message, alright. But I don't think she'll appreciate the the ultimate point of the message. There are only so many ways to interpret my saying, "Uh. This isn't working out. You need to stop calling me" so that she won't take it offensively.

I try not to be in the business of hurting feelings; especially over something that's not the other person's fault.

Any other suggestions? Like moving to Alaska maybe? ;-)

Joslyn said...

*Walks in*


*reads post*

*Shakes head*

*walks out*

Andre said...

@ Jos: For real?!

HeiressChild said...

one thing about coming to your blog andre, is there's never a dull moment. i'm laughing so hard at the cartoon, your description of you, and even princess leia and muppet skeeter's names, i can't think of anything to say thru the laughter. ok, i'm calming down now. i'm glad i'm not in your shoes over this one. i hate to think that someone doesn't want to be bothered with me anymore because they no longer want to be bothered with my friend. wow, i wonder if that has already happened to me. hmmm, maybe that's why some people have disappeared out of my life.

but all in all, you have to do what you feel you have to do, and i agree that honesty is the best policy. i just did a post on that the other week.

KC said...

Assuming that Skeeter is female (it sounds like it), you might have to use a different approach than -- let's say -- if its one of your boys. I think you should be direct, but not too harsh with it. Besides, you don't want to run the risk of burning bridges. You may need this same girl down the road for something. But if you go off on her, you may destroy what you COULD have.

Greeneyes said...

Andre ,
The young, dashing, handsome and intrepid hero.

Always nice to know you have conscience growing in a jar some where , even if it is a little one and the jar is a tad dusty !LOL

My slant on your issue,Leia's impact must have made a hard mark on you , enough to cut her and another innocent out of your life ,it does seem though that Skeeter is unaware of your feelings ,otherwise she would not keep contacting you .
Feeling like you do , it seems as though you have made up your mind ,too bad you have to lose what may become a friend in future if you cut all ties , be gentle and remember ......do onto others ...............

You have two ways of cutting ties ,
Honestly and straight forward or become constantly unavailable and she most likely will move on .
Good Luck .

Andre said...

@ Heiress: Contrary to belief, my life is actually considerably dull; which is OK. In fact, it's during times like this, where I wish my life would stay that way. It's days like this when I just don't need this type of excitement (if that's what you want to call it).

"i hate to think that someone doesn't want to be bothered with me anymore because they no longer want to be bothered with my friend. wow, i wonder if that has already happened to me. hmmm, maybe that's why some people have disappeared out of my life."

Yikes! I didn't mean to plant seeds of self-inquiry. Sorry! :)

But did you see what just happened with you? I'm fearful that this person would hold those same feelings about why I "disappeared" from her life. I'm not trying to hurt feelings or cause self-doubt. I'm just trying to protect myself. Quite the dilemma.

@ KC: "...you don't want to run the risk of burning bridges. You may need this same girl down the road for something. But if you go off on her, you may destroy what you COULD have."

No argument there. I'm wondering, though, if there's a such thing as being polite and straightfoward without STILL burning bridges.

@ Greeny: "...Leia's impact must have made a hard mark on you , enough to cut her and another innocent out of your life...""

Not really. Things just happened. I'm not upset or incensed. But I have some recovery that I need to do. Frankly, "Skeeter" being in the picture isn't helping the situation. Not hurting my efforts, necessarily. But definitely not helping.

"...it does seem though that Skeeter is unaware of your feelings ,otherwise she would not keep contacting you ."

I hate to admit it, but she should be aware; which further makes me disappointed with the whole situation. But since it's not sinking in through common sense, I'm wondering if forcing my hand is the best bet. You tell me.

HeiressChild said...

i was kind of joking when i said that about people disappearing, but one never knows. i'd have to agree with the ones who said to be honest and straightforward with skeeter. i always appreciate honesty, and yes, sometimes it may sting a little, but i still appreciate the truth. i think people can be truthful in a tactful manner. you said you were trying to protect yourself, so you have to do what you feel you have to do. and as nike used to say, "just do it!"

Greeneyes said...

Andre~ My Handsome green eyed king ,

The plot thickens LOL .
It is clearer now that this shall I say "connection with Skeeter " causing negativity in your life , no matter how small . You stated you needed time to seperate yourself from the scene for whatever reason , having contact with Skeeter is bringing what happened with you and Leia to the surface and leaving it to open up over and over .Thinking that Skeeter should know how you feel is assuming she thinks as you do , she may just be wanting a friendship thinking everyone involved is ok with it all.
You have "Honesty is the best policy " hopefully crossed wires will not give Leia (from Skeeter)the wrong impression and think you cannot live within her universe without her, so make your words tender and sweet just incase you will be tasting them in future LOL.
G

Andre said...

@ Heiress/Greeny: It doesn't appear that you folks will let me off the hook for doing anything less than being direct. So, an example of what to say will be pretty helpful.

Don't get me wrong, being direct is not the problem. It's being direct and firm but not mean.

It's times like this when I hate Boolean Logic.

JJM said...

Dude, I'm done with you.

JJM said...

Wuss.

Andre said...

*Looking for the "block user" button...

J. Alex said...

Honestly, I don't see what the big deal. Just tell Skeeter what's on your mind and be done with it. But if she's as tough and spunky as the muppet baby, you might have your work cut out for you.

Greeneyes said...

Andre~My Handsome KING,

Did you ever think that SKEETER might want some Andre ??????LOL

If so send her my way I will get rid of her for you ,and fast!
LMAO......(A JOke PEOPLE)

If not and since you do not want to hurt her feelings ,be gentle and then pick a big fight LOL

all kidding aside , just talk to the girl ,we females understand as unlike men we use both parts of our Brains ,,,,,,,the same time ....

Ducking ,,,,,,,,,,,looks up ,,,,,,

listening for the popping of veins in your head ,,,,,


there , that's better ,and if you cannot be direct for what ever reason , become unavailable ,she will figure it out .

Greeneyes AKA
Andre's Foriegn relations team(WINK)

HeiressChild said...

hey greeneyes, that's funny 'cause i left a little of the same message (sort of) for andre, but on my blog. i started to put it here, but i just wasn't sure if i should have, and see, it would have been ok after all. LOL

and andre, we're waiting to hear how you handled it and the results. so start answering your phone instead of letting it go to voicemail. lol

Andre said...

@ J. Alex: "...if she's as tough and spunky as the muppet baby, you might have your work cut out for you."

If my muppet memory serves correctly, Skeeter was an athlete. Miss Piggy was the tough and spunky one.

My issue is not with getting my butt kicked. I'm concerned about hurting feelings.

@ Greeny: "Did you ever think that SKEETER might want some Andre...?"

Uuuuh. No. But she is pretty fine!

"just talk to the girl ,we females understand as unlike men we use both parts of our Brains ,,,,,,,the same time..."

Yeah, right. So you say...

"...and if you cannot be direct for what ever reason , become unavailable ,she will figure it out."

I've tried that. But she's got both my cell and office number. I can avoid with my cell phone (thank God for caller ID), but I can't detect with my office phone. She's smart enough to call me at work.

@ Sylvia: "...so start answering your phone instead of letting it go to voicemail..."

Is that your final answer? Judges? Eeeeen! Ohhhh, I'm sorry. Thanks for playing.