Sunday, June 25, 2006

Restoration, part II

A huge weight has been lifted from my heart.

For the last month or so, I've been lamenting over a certain problem; as issue that has been plaguing me for a while now. I've been going at it with one of the closest people in the world to me (you remember her, right?!) Since our conflict didn't seem to have a resolution in sight, I decided to use the disassociation tactic that I'm known for. Simply put, I just stopped talking to her. Here I was; ignoring the person that God has used time and time again to bless me; because we came to a disagreement. Granted, we failed to meet eye-to-eye on an issue that was close to my heart. But, was disassociation really the right way to go? Evidenced by the misery I've been dealing with lately, I wouldn't say so.

This weekend, I gave her a call to notify her of the news of my being an uncle (it's offical! My brother had his son!) What later ensued was a conversation that I didn't expect or prepare for...given our situation. During the conversation, we aired out our laundry, chewed each other out, apologized, and dropped it. It was that simple.

This portion of our conversation lasted less than five minutes. The rest of the time (two hours or so) was left for joking, laughing, and sharing.

Imagine that. A month long conflict was resolved in less than five minutes and with one simple apology. How could that be?

Have you ever wondered how many situations and hurts that we experience can be resolved using the most simple solutions? Why, then, do we drag things out -- damn near to the breaking point? Why can't we just say "I'm sorry" and move on? I think that we -- for the most part -- have a hard time offering any apologies in circumstances where we feel like we're on the side of right. "If we're right, we don't have anything to be sorry for" is what we tell ourselves. in fact, those were the very words I used. Verbatim. I refused to accept my role in our conflict because I just knew that I was right. Little did I know that this was the source of my conflict. Whether I actually was right or not was irrelevant.

But, praise be to God, the two of us have fixed the patches in our lives. To coin a phrase from Forrest Gump, we're "like peas and carrots again". While the residue from our conflict remains and some of the concepts/circumstances that created the conflict in the first place still resonate, I can at least say that I've got my friend back; and it's an terrific feeling.

And, to think: it only cost me one sincere apology...

- ACL

17 "Insiders" spoke their mind. Join in...:

Diane said...

Oh, Andre, I'm so glad you're back on speaking terms again! I know it's hard, but sometimes it's best to just agree to disagree, even if we think the other person is in the wrong. I don't think it's possible to have a relationship where you don't disagree from time to time. In fact, our differences of opinion are what keep things from stagnating in relationships, I think.

We're like Fonzie sometimes....It's hard to say those words....."I was wr---...
wr---.....You know....WRONG!"

So glad things have worked out for you, and your friendship is restored, Andre. :-)

thehc said...

Hey Andre,
Congats on being an uncle!!! Good post also. I don't know why, but people associate saying your sorry with saying your wrong. Not always true. You can simply be sorry that your truth hurt them, or that you didn't handle giving them the truth in the most diplomatic way. There are, unfortunately, lots of ways to hurt someone's feelings. I try to think if it's worth losing a friend over, if not, I'll apologize even if I don't think I need to. A word of advice for people when they're apologized to though, don't beat them over the head with it, let it go and be gracious. To quote Elton John, (my guilty pleasure), "Sorry seems to be the hardest word"

"Her" said...

*Reads past blog posts.......Wondering what revenge Andre was going to get against me*

Okay, Moving on! :)

ajbendaña said...

Hey Andre congrats on being an uncle! Dude i know exactly what you are talking about. remeber my post about the iron clad door people lock themselves behind. Well your right, its not about who is right or wrong in a situation. Its about just letting it go, forgive and forget.

monique said...

Andre, I'm really happy that you were able to mend your friendship. Good friends don't come around that often. You'll be lucky if you get one or two. Like Diane said, in friendships or any relationship (platonic or not), you're going to have differences. You're not going to agree on EVERYTHING. I just hope that whenever something doesn't go the way you think they should, you don't go in the corner and start planning another clever scheme to get revenge, I don't think your friend would like the idea of you getting some sort of revenge on her :)

Just my two cents

ajbendaña said...

http://www.personal-development.com/chuck/misunderstanding.htm

i found this link on the subject. it hits it on the head.

ajbendaña said...

misunderstanding.htm

this is the ending to the link, since the last post ommited it.

green eyed girl on planet earth said...

Andre my GEM
I am thrilled to read you are happy , great post , and wonderful outcome :}always remember this one when you have a hissy fit in the future or have to deal with someone else's :{
So if you have such a great connection with this person , on a level that most do not get to have , why not take it the next step. Unless she is the one you were talking about you feel you lost ! unless your content with Miss Diane and I figting over you in cyberspace LOL you are so fun to flirt with and easy on the eyes , we cannot help ourselves . *girly giggles **LOL

A true friend is one who knows all about you and loves you regardless , warts and all :}She sounds like a true friend :}

Congrats uncle ANDRE :-}

G.

green eyed girl on planet earth said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Diane said...

Pardon me just a moment, Andre....

Green Eyes, I turn my back for just a minute, and here you are, flirting with Andre again! You thought since I commented before you I wouldn't be back for a while, didn't you? You keep this up and it's gonna turn into a regular cat fight!! MrrrOwwww!! Fffft!! Hssssss! (hee hee, LOL ;-)

Andre, congrats on the new nephew. I completely forgot to tell you that in the first post up there. :-)

Not A Republican said...

Andre,

It's about time you started taking my advice and just get over it! I'm just messin around. :)

I'm sincerely happy that you and your friend made up. All that whining for less than a five minute make up time! That really puts things into perspective. I mean, I wonder what else we as Christians go through with God that could be resolved with less than five minutes of prayer!

green eyed girl on planet earth said...

Hi Again Andre
I told you Diane was jealous LMAO . Fight for Andre ~ Meow meow Bring it on , I am a chronic flirt ,can't help it when a man as hansome and intellegent as Andre is involved .:}
Sorry Andre I know this CATfight is not what you want on your serious blog hehe .
Hope your laughing ,and taking it in stride you handsome sweetie you !!!!LOLOLOLOLOL (take that D. Hisss):}
Greeneyes

ajbendaña said...

should we issue a missing persons alert. Were you at andre?

thehc said...

I think Andre must be on vacation.
I went by his office twice and it was dark, I'm sure he'll be right back. You girls will just have to make due for a while. :)

Andre said...

@ Diane: Thanks eternally for your insight and for your encouragement. I think that you're right (not necessarily ME being wr---, wr---. You get the point) when you said that differences in opinion are needed in some relationships. Frankly, I'm glad that the friend in question is not a carbon copy of me. Growth comes with difference, I think.

Thanks for blessing me as always!

@ HC: Hey Hipster. What's happenin'?! I hate to admit it, but diplomacy is not one of my strong points, but I'm getting there. I think that it's ironic that I'm always bashing Dems/GOP for not being able to find resolution (when they don't like each other in the first place) and here I am going at with my best friend. Thanks for that rude awakening.

@ Her: Some secrets are going to grave with me...

@ ajbendaña: I'm with ya on this one, dawg. Forgive and forget. A great idea. Often spoke of, very seldomly practiced. But, with some people (namely my dear friend), I'd rather go that route than to go to battle against her.

Has the Heat pandemonium died down yet?! Sheesh!

@ Monique: For some people, 'friends' are a dime a dozen. But, for most of us, CLOSE friends are an oddity. I tell you what...this one's a KEEPER!

@ ajbendaña (again): Great article. Really hits it right on the head. Thanks, brotha!

@ Greeny: Hey, my love. Interesting suggestion you proposed. I don't think our relationship will get to the level you're proposing. We signed an invisible contract that basically prohibits us from taking it further. :)

Besides, I'm enjoying the cybernetic catfight that you and Lady Di have going on...

Thanks for the 'uncle' love, by the way. It's a pretty exciting time for the fam (especially my 'first-time-grandmother' mom).

@ Diane: I feel like I should be breaking up this fight, but a part of my male ego is liking this...

Thanks for your uncle shout-out!

@ Not-a-republican: Great points you raised. I think it's important to note that our resolution has as much to do with us being proactive in making it happen as it did with God working through our prayers. I think that, as we pray for certain things, God expects us to get off our butts and make it happen.

Thanks for your comments. Are you sure that you're not who I THINK you are?!

@ Greeny (again): Hey! Don't apologize about the flirty thing. I'm cheesy from ear to ear. I just hope that your bf and Diane's husband don't "accidentally" find their way onto my blog...

Duh, duh, duuuunnn...

@ ajbendaña/hc: I've been outta town for the past couple of days. Somewhere in Nowhere, Indiana.

Of all the possible places my job could've sent me, it HAD to be Indiana. Talk about a diss...

Thanks, everybody, for your comments.

green eyed girl on planet earth said...

Hi GEM

Andre
You have such a nice grin , no worries about anyones Hubby accidently peeking , I read it to him haha, I hear Drama is good for the labito !!!! so it is back to the hissy kitty cyber snarls between lady Di and I . LMAO I am guessing here but would think that you cause a few catfights in the REAL world as well, come on fess up ,MEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOWWWWWW.
G.

*And a note to "thehc" us girls missed him LOL*

Andre said...

Ah. So you read my blog to your hubby. That explains the menacing phone calls I've been receiving lately. Can you let him know that the whole 'breathing in the phone' thing is seriously outdated... :)

Thanks for the funny post (especially the whole 'women having catfights over me' bit. Usually, I'm the one getting beat up.) I can always count on you to give me something to smile about!