Thursday, January 18, 2007

Taking eggs from the basket

I can't remember exactly where, but I heard an incredible story that I'd like to share:

There was once a boy with two parents. His mother had always been loving, sensitive, and caring toward the boy while his father -- an alcoholic -- was mean, abusive, and disparaging.
One day, in the heat of an argument, the father pushed the mother down a flight of stairs; killing her instantly. For his act, the man received a life sentence in prison.

During the funeral, the little boy spent most of the service standing directly in front of his mother's body. Inexplicably, as he stared down at his loving, nurturing mother, the boy found himself unable to cry. As hard as he tried, he could not produce one single tear.

The boy eventually grew up, graduated from college, obtained a successful career and started a family of his own; doing it all just to prove to himself that he didn't need his father. Building a strong hatred and resentment for his father, the man refused to allow his father any access into his life or the life of his family. For him, the grudge was rooted too deeply. One day, the man received news that his father died in prison
. Though he vowed to himself that he would never allow his family to get involved with the father, his wife was able to convince him to attend the funeral.

At the ceremony, there was clear tension in the air. As the man approached the casket and looked down on his father, he was immediately reminded of all of the painful memories that were allowed to endure over the years. Suddenly, much to the man's suprise, seeing his dead father caused him to cry uncontrollably. While he was unable to cry for his loving mother, he cried for a man for whom he held a deep-seated hatred.

Is there a point to this story, you ask? I think there is. You see, the man became so consumed by the strong emotions that he had for his father (hatred in this case, but this could apply to anything), that once his father died, the man lost the one thing driving him. Essentially, he had nothing else to live for. He placed his hatred for his father above the love of his mother, his career; even his own family. His father's death left a void in his life that nothing else could fill.

Let this story serve as a warning: Do NOT put all of your eggs in one basket. If you do, and you happen to lose that basket, you'll live to regret it.


13 "Insiders" spoke their mind. Join in...:

Cynthia said...

Wow. This was a hard-hitting story. But, it hit its target. Good post, Dre.

JD said...

Kudo's again, Dre.

Time and time again I find that no matter how difficult it may be, YOU HAVE TO FORGIVE.

When you forgive, it like releasing a prisioner.....and then finding out that prisioner was yourself.

Food for thought....

Andre said...

@ Cyn: I thought the same thing when I first heard that story. Pretty deep stuff.

@ JD: I get your point, but I don't think that forgiveness alone is the key. The first step is to avoid the over-consumption/over-reliance in the first place. If a person doesn't devote themselves to a single person or thing, then they won't be as disappointed if that person or thing doesn't pan out. If the boy didn't commit himself solely to hating JUST the father, then he would not have felt so empty once his father died.

To put it another way: if I had a full listing of some of my favorite television shows, then I wouldn't be so disappointed if they decided to stop showing one of them.

Hope that makes sense.

green eyed girl on planet earth said...

Andre~ My Green eyed KING,
Whatcha doing to a girl , sniff` sniff `sniff`` , sad story but steeped in lessons.

Spending ones life solely concentrating on one thing can be harmful ,as in this story the Man lost his Mother, father, and part of his identity. He was consumed by the anger and it became HIM ,within him so deep that when released it left a gapping hole ,the rest of his being withered due to this anger .

Sad but this happens to many in many forms , people need to forgive others for themselves to heal and find "EGGS" in many baskets of life to be secure if life throws them a hardboiled egg they dont crumble .

Work ,family, friends, play , etc each alone do not make a WOMAN/MAN
combined they make a Happier and healthier SOUL.

Thanks for making me dig deep in that GREY Matter again , as always great POST.

Later Brainiac LOL(SNIFF SNIFF`)I am such a softie !;0)

Andre said...

@ Greeny: Hey, my green-eyed queen,

I hope that using the "hanging on to hatred" story didn't block the ultimate point of the story. People can place a high premium on just about anything these days; which can generate the same outcome. It just so happens that -- in this story -- the man clings to the hatred that he has for his father. The came results could come if the man placed his job abover everything else, his wife, his children, etc.

But, you did hit it on the head by stating that "Work, family, friends, play, etc each alone do not make a WOMAN/MAN; combined they make a Happier and healthier SOUL.".

But, believe me when I say, it's possible to put a person, a job, school, etc. above everything else; only to regret it later.

Trust me.

green eyed girl on planet earth said...

Andre~ My Greeneyed KING,

I do , for some reason , I just DO!!! and I think you speak from personal experience , life is short handsome fill it with more than work/school,thinking you will get to that when less hectic can become habit forming and eventually everything gets left behind ,including your happiness .

OL` masterful one ,you know what I type already , hopefully you have eggs in every basket available .....I mean that in reference to your post kinda way !
wink , hope your having fun this weekend,Jazz?Dinner?Movie ? Dancing,oh,,, ok thats pushing it LOL Gallery? stroll? chess game? making a snowman ?whatcha Doing,, have fun ..dont look back on life with to many "SHOULDA'S "

Andre said...

Thanks for the sage advice Greeny. Nothing like learning a lesson than with a little personal experience every now and then...

Joslyn said...

Good point Dre.

I guess that it's the same as a parent who lives their lives vicariously through their children, and are extremly upset when the child doesn't choose the path that they had hoped, wished, prayed (and the basket that they put all their eggs in), versus the parent saying, "I don't care what you do, as lonf as you're successful.


Anonymous said...

I must've missed something. How does that story relate to the post?

Joslyn said...

Sorry, I only answer questions from real people.

Care to help, Andre?

The H.C. said...

Hey Dre,
Excellent piece. Having been raised in a family very simular to the one in the story, I could completely relate. I hated my father for years. As he grew older, I began to realize that he also hated himself for what he had become, and I learned to pity instead of hate. No good ever comes from a negative emotion. I found this piece very inspiring, great job!.

Andre said...

@ Jos: Good example. This story, I think, can be told and retold using a series of analogies. They all go back to a central point. Thanks.

@ anonymous: Try re-reading the post and some of the subsequent comments. I think the point was made pretty clear a couple of times over.

But just to make sure you're not in the dark; the ultimate point of this post was that placing the bulk of your attention or concern on ONE THING is dangerous; especially when that ONE THING may not always be there for you to cling to.

Marianita said...

Great story!

I like JD's comment about forgiveness!